I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
