two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
