Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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