You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
