I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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