dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
NoShamevember. You game?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
