If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
