I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
