i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
