Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
