Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
