if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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