Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
