I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
