Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
