Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
