and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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