I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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