Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
