My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think we might need a safe word for this...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
