Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
