You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Bring me that man meat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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