i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
