Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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