I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We are all done wearing pants today
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
