At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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