I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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