He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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