ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
