her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
