The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
