Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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