dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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