The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
