K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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