I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
