what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize