dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
