I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
