Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
