Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
