I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
