I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
