just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
