Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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