did you get engaged???
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
