I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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