i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
