What a fucking waste of an outfit
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
