i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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