Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
