I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
