I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
