a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
