Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
