i think my tv is drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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