I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
