I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
