it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
