Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
