Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
