Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
