Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
