we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
