the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
