You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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