Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize