Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
