found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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