My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
