So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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