Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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