dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
