Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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