We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize