Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
