its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
