I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
