please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
