I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
