Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
