how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
