Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
