I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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