If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I deserve this hangover.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
