well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Alive.
So much puke
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
