Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
